The beginning.

I’m afraid to share some very integral pieces of my story…
and I’m not quite sure why.

I know some people will judge me, or already have, for this soul-path I’ve been led down.
That piece of it actually doesn’t bother me.

But this part of it, the piece I’ve been hiding, feels really out there.
It’s vulnerable.
It’s everything I’ve been working on over the past year.
It’s a piece of my journey that I’ve struggled to come to terms with.

I’ve questioned the reality of it so many times over that I’ve lost count.
I’ve had other energy workers look into it, read into my part of it, guide me through what I’m meant to do.

And it all comes back to the same piece. Every time.

The piece of my journey that catapulted me.
Into an ego death.
Into a soul awakening.
Into a deep, full body healing.
Into discovering and releasing countless hidden traumas.
Into seeing who I actually am. On a soul level.

All of this was sparked by another human being. Well, really, one very specific soul.
And if it’s never happened to you, it probably won’t make any sense.
If you’re not ‘awake’ or open to the spiritual realm it definitely won’t make sense.

I was there.
I didn’t understand it.
I didn’t even know what it was at the beginning.
I’ve questioned it a thousand times over.

But I know it’s my truth.

Now I’m being asked to own it and recognize that this part of my journey, the piece that I’ve kept very hidden to most, is actually why I’ve been able to become the version of myself that I am now.

The version who sees herself.
The version who loves herself, more than she ever thought possible.

So, I think, even though it’s a terrifying piece for me to share, it’s also necessary.

For me to continue to move forward.
For others to understand things that seem inexplicable.
And for myself to finally claim it. As my story, because it is.
Regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes.

This year has been immense.
I’ve shifted in ways I never expected.
All of this has thrown me completely off the trajectory I was on.
But I also know now that it was the only way it would happen.
It was the only way I was going to move onto the path I needed to follow.
The only way I would listen and explore and discover all of the things I had forgotten about myself.

It had to be this way.

Truthfully, I would actually never wish this type of path on another human being.
I would wish they could avoid all of the pain, confusion, grief and heartbreak.
But, in the same breath, I know the beauty that this darkness lead to.
So, because of that, I also wish they would follow the nudges, the whispers, the shouts, the screams.
Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when it’s hard. Even when it seems impossible.
Because, ultimately, those whispers are our soul speaking to us.
When we follow those nudges, that’s when we know we’ll be led into alignment.

It may not look anything like we imagined it would.
We may be required to crumble, to break, to fall into the void and not know when we will make it out.
We will, but in the moment it all feels incredibly uncertain.

This was my path.
It looks different than others, as the paths unique to ourselves often do.
It led me back to myself at a time when I was utterly lost.
At a time that I had betrayed myself.
Silenced myself.
Forgotten all of the pieces that were an integral piece of my being.
A time when I had so much healing to do, I was afraid to open those doors.
A place where I had no love for myself because I didn’t even know who I was.

All of this was brought forth by another soul.
One I’ve been connected to for a long time.
A connection I was never able to understand the importance of until I had embarked upon my own soul learnings.
But once the meaning of that connection was shown to me, I would never be the same human again.

This was the start of my awakening.
The details I’ve, mostly, left out up until now.

If you’re new here or you’ve been with me since the start, thanks for following my journey.
Thanks for reading this with an open mind and an even more open heart.

If you’re one of the few people who have been privy to this knowledge all along, thank you for keeping my privacy.
Thank you for never divulging my deepest truths.
Thank you for holding space for me. For sitting with me through a part of my life that I struggled to navigate for a very long time.
I’m so grateful for you.
I know you’ve been placed in my life for a very specific reason and I love you even more for that.

Deep breath.

I don’t like to use society’s term for this because it has a lot of weird connotations. I’ve been told it’s not the actual true terminology for it, but it’s what our human minds have come up with so I’ll use it as it’s known.

I have a twin flame. I am a twin flame.

The very condensed explanation: I am a soul who was split in two. Ultimately, the other half of me lives in another human.
Again, this is where I’m asking you to keep an open mind or, truly, stop reading if it’s not for you.
The amount of information I could share with you about this is something I never in my life imagined. I didn’t know what this was when it was shown to me. I had no knowledge about it at all.
But, if you’re ever curious enough to look into it, or know someone who has also lived this experience, a twin flame recognition will crack you right open.
If you’re ready. If you’re willing. If you don’t run from it.
But if you choose to run, I also understand. The intensity of it is something my human body would not have been able to hold if I hadn’t dove into soul work years before this.
My twin flame recognition broke me. You see, when you recognize your own soul in another human, they become your direct mirror.
They reflect all of the wounds you’ve never dealt with.
They allow you to see everywhere you’ve abandoned yourself; your truths, the lies you’ve been living.
They force you to remove everything you’re holding onto that isn’t actually yours.
They, ultimately, send you directly into an ego death or soul awakening.
If you’re awake. If you’re ready to accept this path and follow it.

Twin flames are commonly viewed as the most romantic, beautiful love stories because they’re made for each other. They’re meant to reconnect. They are two halves to one whole that is, eventually, meant to reunite. They have an important job for the collective, but I’ll dive into all of this further at another time. Maybe. When I’m brave enough to share it.
Although this sounds akin to finding a soulmate, it’s actually quite the opposite.

Because, the other truths of twin flames is that they’re not always meant to be together in a romantic way.
They cannot be together if they’re not healed first (in any form; platonic, romantic, etc.)
In fact, when they try to connect in their wounded forms, they constantly trigger each other.
This triggering can cause pulling away. Silence. The inability to remain in contact because the connection is too intense.
Triggering of old wounds and of unhealed parts of our soul.

Simply put, the purpose of discovering one’s twin flame is growth.
Full, soul expanding growth.
It forces you to heal the wounds. Deal with the trauma. Shed all the layers that aren’t yours. Over and over and over again.
While also wondering why this human who is perfect for you cannot remain a constant in your life, in any way, shape or form.

I don’t want to dive too deep into this yet, as I’ve said this is just the beginning, but this is what I’ve been experiencing all this time.
Deep dives into the wounds that I honestly never would have been able to heal without this knowing.
Memories and traumas that led me into the darkest depths of holes I didn’t realize I would find myself in.
But
It also led me to the most beautiful self discoveries.
It allowed me to heal my past. Discover who I am.
Witness the many beautiful, heartbreaking, incredible past lives we’ve shared.
It expanded my entire being.

When I say I don’t wish this on anyone, I know it’s contradictory.
It’s a pain I’ve never experienced before, but I’m also learning to live with.
And in the same sense, it’s an expansion I know could only have come from this specific knowing.

So, would I change it? Never.
I will forever be grateful for this.

Even though it is also one of the most challenging things I’ve navigated in this lifetime, I know it’s what opened me to the path I’m on now.
The path I was meant to travel, but didn’t know how.

I’ve spent a lot of this year writing about this. I have pages upon pages of pieces to share with you about my journey.
And, even though I’m terrified to publicly post this, I wanted you to know how it started for me.
Because it really is the beginning of it all.

How I became who I am in this exact moment.
How I learned how to truly see and love myself - in ways I didn’t know were possible.
How I learned who I was and who I was not.
How I learned trust, divine timing and love.
A love different than any I’ve ever known.
And how to live through the letting go, the uncertainty, and the (what feels like) constant redirection.

This is my story.

It’s wild, messy, confusing and also incredibly beautiful.
It’s my experience of the many different forms of love we can experience in this lifetime.
And the realization that the form of love that matters the most will always be my own.

- Kels