The understanding I’ve been waiting for

I had a moment this week.
Where I finally understood why I had felt misunderstood for so long.
Especially around the people who I thought would understand me the most.

And it’s not because they weren’t trying.
Or they didn’t see me.
Or they didn’t love me as much as they were able to.

But, simply, because of a difference in values.
My values, my core values, do not match theirs.

I am not here for stability.
I am here to shake the ground we walk on.
I am not here to be quiet.
I’m here to finally know my voice and use it.
I am not here to stay small.
I’m here to take up as much space as I need.

You see, I do believe in stability and security and all of the basic needs that must be met in order for a human being to feel safe. It’s a gift that is not lost on me. I know I am privileged to not have to fight for any of these in my own life.

But...
my values do not align with the vision projected for me as I grew up: finish school, build a career, make money, buy a house, get married, have children, be happy (in any order.)
Stability.
Security.
A relatively easily pictured life and path, if everything goes as planned.

That life, in the traditional sense, does not embody my main values.
The way I envision living my life.
Once I realized this, it shifted my entire understanding.

I value growth - I don’t want to stay the same for the rest of my life here on earth. I am here to continually learn, shift and evolve. I understand that not all jobs or relationships or spaces are meant for me at all stages of my life. I understand that growth = change and, instead of remaining afraid of that change, I’ve learned to fully embrace it (in doing so, I’ve been able to come even more into my own alignment.)

I value authenticity - truth over all else. Being in, and owning, my own frequency. Being surrounded by others who do the same. Nothing less.

I value freedom - the ability to change my career path, my life, my relationships so I can live as I desire. I don’t want to feel caged or stuck in a situation simply because ‘it’s the way things are done’ or ‘you chose this for yourself.’ I need to be able to breathe deeply without fear that I’m stuck with the choices that served me at a different point in my life. The freedom to explore whatever avenue is calling to me. The freedom to live my life as I want it to be - not based on the opinions and ideas of everyone else.

It is with this realization that I see - I was not misunderstood.
I was misaligned.
The values I hold will only ever be fully understood by me (and by those who hold similar or identical values to mine.)
If I continue to seek acceptance from those who are desiring a world of stability and security, I will always feel misunderstood and will never fully receive their acceptance.
Just as they cannot live in my values, I also cannot live in theirs.

So, this is me, with this new understanding, vowing to stay true to myself.
To stop apologizing for what I believe in.
To stop hoping everyone will understand me, or take things the way I intend them to be taken, or resonate with what I’m saying.
Because they won’t.
Someone will misunderstand me or disagree with me at nearly everything I say or do or how I choose to live my life.
And that’s actually okay.
They’ll find the people they’re drawn to and the ones who speak straight to their soul.

I’m here for the ones who resonate with me.
Which, I know, I’ve been lucky enough to have found so many of you already.

This is simply a reminder, a sharing of something I’m learning now (that I honestly thought I had learned a while ago.)

However, in my own life, this idea of needing to be accepted kept resurfacing and I was shown over and over again how I was holding onto this old belief that was no longer mine to carry.
An understanding that I had been missing.

If I know my values, my intentions and my heart, that’s really all that matters.
Someone will always misunderstand me in some way, shape or form.
And, in the same breath, another will understand me to the very depths of their own soul.

If you’re one of these people, with similar values, I want you to know - I see you.
And if you’re someone who’s still working on understanding this piece within themselves: their values, their mission, their path of alignment, their people - I see you too.
I know how hard it is to be in this space. The space of learning and unlearning and relearning; many times over.
The space of feeling lost and alone and questioning yourself constantly.

But loves, you know.
Deep down, you know.
Trusting and following your heart is going to lead you to a life that reflects your values.
The life that’s built on those values.
The life that feels so right for your soul, you won’t have to question it all.

So, if you take anything out of this, take this:
Let yourself be misunderstood.
Let people leave.
Let things fall apart.
Let yourself know and understand what it is that YOU want.
Then allow yourself to dive so deeply into yourself until you feel whole on your own.
Because when you stay true to yourself, when you listen to what it is that you desire and when you trust those feelings - it’s in that space that you reclaim your truth.
Your truth brings your power.
Your knowing.
By listening to these, and trusting them, you find your alignment.
And that alignment leads you directly to the people and spaces that understand you.
The ones that have been patiently waiting for you, saving a seat for you at all the tables you didn’t even see before.

So loves, it’s time.
Hand on heart.
Big breath in, big breath out.
What is your heart asking from you?
Why do you feel you need approval from anyone but yourself?
You already know, love.
You already know.
Now, it’s time to trust that feeling.
Trust your gut, your intuition, because it’s actually your soul speaking to you.
And live your life from there.
The more you practice, the easier it becomes and the louder your inner knowing will be.

I know it’s scary.
This type of path isn’t often chosen.
But if you’re brave enough to follow it,
You’ll never look back.

- Kels